NHBR column: Making Connections Amid Difficult Conversations

It seems like we have two ineffective modes when it comes to difficult conversations – engaging in conflict or avoiding hard topics altogether. In a workplace setting, avoidance may be better than conflict, but it can foster an environment where people who need to work together may steer clear of each other.

I recently helped organize a workshop for more than 100 NH state representatives led by William Doherty, a Braver Angels founder and professor of family therapy at the University of Minnesota.  The workshop goals, which apply to any difficult conversation (not just politics), were to:

1.     show colleagues who disagree with you that you have accurately heard them  

2.     express your views in a way that colleagues can hear even if they disagree  

3.     find areas of agreement or shared interest whenever possible.

Legislators were paired with someone they did not know to practice three skills: Acknowledge, Agree, Perspective.  Comments on a follow up evaluation included:

·       “Learning to listen for points of agreement rather than how we disagree was a very good tip”

·       “Makes me ‘stop and think’ first.”

·       “We can work together if we only will listen to the opposing view.”

You can read the full column at https://www.nhbr.com/managing-difficult-conversations/  and also check out a 49-second clip from my closing remarks at https://twitter.com/braverangels/status/1612951036188102662, including the phrase: “How you treat each other is more important than any legislation you’re going to pass.”