Disagree Better

That is the name of a new National Governor’s Association initiative under the leadership of Utah governor Spencer Cox. I had the pleasure to meet him in July at the Braver Angels convention in Gettysburg, and we reconnected this past week. Five state governors were in NH for a day-long event that included panel discussions to reduce partisan animosity and foster healthy conflict and also featured a Braver Angels debate at St. Anselm College.  

This initiative is based on the idea that, “Americans need to disagree better. And by that we don’t mean that we need to be nicer to each other, although that’s helpful. We need to learn to disagree in a way that allows us to find solutions and solve problems instead of endlessly bickering.” One speaker noted that we need, “a sea change to punish bad behavior and reward good behavior.” Another said, “political leaders need to treat others respectfully and set an example.” 

While the context of this discussion was the actions of politicians, it is important to reflect also on how respectful behaviors have been in decline in our work places, schools, and families. We can’t just blame politicians; as one speaker observed, “we need to look at ourselves.”  

A fundamental problem is that many people lack the skills to engage with someone who may have a different perspective. It goes back to the principle espoused by Stephen Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Listening skills are a key area for personal growth and development, and attending training in this area (including free offerings by Braver Angels) is a key way we can all up our game.   

We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!